“Things are never quite as scary when you have got a best friend.” (Bill Watterson) but the question is do you have friends? It may be possible that you may have hundreds of contacts on your phone but at the same time, it is also possible that there is not a single contact with whom you can talk and share your feeling. In a recent study conducted by the American survey center and Gallup, the percentage of men with at least 6 close friends fell by half between 1990 and 2021. So men have fewer friends than ever, and it is harming their mental health.

Every one in five single men say they have no close friend. Meanwhile, this survey is about American men. It’s good that the Situation in India is better than in the world but it is getting worse. The newer generation is less interested in expanding their social circle.

The Snap study finds that Indian have on average six best friends. Not only do people in India have more friends overall they also want more; with 45% of respondents indicating they would like to expand their social circle. But this approach is changing for the youngest generations, Gen Z is starting to turn away from such large friendship circles, with the lowest average of 5.2 compared to Gen X having the most 7.5. Gen Z is also half as likely as Gen Y to consider friends having a large social group they can tap into, to be an important trait.

Love is central to friendship. Whether in person or online, interactions with friends leave people with overwhelmingly positive emotions. Also, friendship is the most celebrated human relationship around the world. This has a wealth of popular culture, from songs to movies, extolling its influence on our lives. It is also said that “friends are relatives you make for yourself.” When you are with your friends, you are the happiest person in the world. At that same time, you don’t have any tension or worry. But it is difficult to find a good friend. As an Irish Proverb says, ‘A good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.’

If a friendship has so many qualities and is the most celebrated human relationship in the world, why are people getting away with it? The most precise answer is people feel they don’t have time and their newly developed competitive nature. There is no doubt that we are living in a market society and the market has destroyed our social fabric. When we broadly look at human history, we have three types of systems. The hunter-gathers, the agricultural society, and the industrial society. Social values and social connections were most strong in agricultural societies and most fragile in industrial societies. As philosopher Michael Sandel has said that once we lived in a society with a market but now, we are witnessing the marketization of society. The market only teaches us about competitiveness and achievement, so we are undermining collaboration. It looks like we have forgotten how to cooperate without getting anything.

Second, it’s true that we don’t have time. Most of the time have gone into economic activity. On average people do work 40 to 45 hours a week and this is for the organized sector. When we talk about the unorganized sector it can reach 60 to 70 hours a week. Once and repeatedly, we have been told that machines will reduce our work hours, but it is not happening. We are working more than ever. We are very less time to do societal or cultural activities. In this process, we are becoming lonelier.

It seems like we are becoming the most isolated creature in the world. Research shows that social isolation can weaken the immune system and make someone more likely to suffer from a variety of ailments like sleep disruptions, Alzheimer’s, high blood pressure, heart disease, and many more. Some mental health experts think the growing isolation also contributes to societal violence. A study by Levant and Emily Karakis confirmed that men with “normative male alexithymia” (NMA) had lower relationship satisfaction and quality of communication and greater fear of intimacy. US clinical psychologist Ronald F. Levant suggests the term NMA describes the inability of men to put words to their feelings, resulting from conformity to traditional masculine norms. So, we need to think that what are we achieving.

There is no formula or recipe for making a strong friendship. Everyone needs to find out their own way. Maybe it’s time to rethink what it means to be a good human, for their sake and for society.